The 2008 list of Ouchies (yeah I know the year just started)

1. RRV – Ross River tried to pull me down early on in the year. Getting over that one.

2. Trigeminal Neuralgia – bad pain on the side of my face that comes and goes. Waiting.

3. Sprained Left ankle (re-drunk story) – Slowly recovering (2 weeks left if I’m sensible)

4. Lower back ache from stupid fall – had since 2007 looks to be soothing off aswell.

5. SA funnel web (maybe trapdoor) bite under little toe on Left foot. 3 weeks later it’s looking better.

So theres the physical ouchies for 2008. I might go back on my ADHD medication. Safer for me and everyone.

Peace,

NW

Ouchies – no actually this is real f**kin bad hurties

 So today I woke up at 5am with full on TN attack it gave me about 30 secs to a couple of minutes relief tilll the next grab. Lasted till just after 6 and it’s still on and off. F**kin unbearable. No other way of describing. So I’m seeing the doc anyway today. Not that I have come to expect indifference and a mere slight understanding from specialists among certain others I should name. At least I have a good GP practice that looks after me.

Just gotta have some faith in the system huh?

Keep on walking,

Peace,

NW

I Don’t think I’d say life is smooth sailing but…

Seems this time everyone is on one side or the other when it comes to my illnesses. I just want everyone to be happy. Easy to say. Not so easy to do. Family should always be close. But sometimes our friends help us pick up the pieces. I will always watch their backs too.

I have a terrible pain down the side of my face the GP calls it Trigeminal Neuralgia. The most painful f***ing thing I ever have. So now Im told this n that about taking the medications. I’m so lucky to have a close friend with the same and experience of it. Without his help I think would have given up by now. His peace and love has been a godsend.

Whatever happened to that dark depression that came from no where? Its all so mixed up now. I’m determined to get through it. All of it. The physical pain is one thing that needs a handle. Next will be the stubborn anxiety and depression. I’ll keep walking the mountain to the top. I don’t expect it to be easy but I feel my mind is ready to start.

I want to see the colours of the world and feel it. I think about my family and friends and I know sometime I will be able to pay them back for all the help they’ve offered me.

Soon I will be free of this pain. Looking forward in life now.

Peace, Love,

NW

The Challenge

 I’ve been through so much in the last week all kinds of problems. I’ had cops lookin for me as a missing person a big fight with my partner.

It ended with authorities talking to me sick as in hospital with soreness and ross river.

IN THE HOSPITAL

The doctors seemed skeptical of everything. They asked for documentation for the Ross River Virus. I mean I got there in an ambulance I wasn’t thinking of documentation. So they had  to call all the blood companies to find my results. I must say they did treat me a bit better with that knowledge rather then the previous suspect that I was an addict in withdrawal pain. They have drug screened me every time I’ve been to hospital in the last year or so and of course nothing has come back. I feel like just because I’m young they assume I’m on drugs.

I have alot more to write about this so wait for updates.

Peace,

NW

Pressure

I think alot of my problems right now is all the pressure I’m under to get better. (they act as though it’s overnight and I’ll be fine. Crying in frustration as I write this I’m clearly not out of the black cloud and dog yet. I will still focus on the small things and be thankful there are still animals on earth

Fevers, pain and stiffness

Hey guess what? I did some independant treatment today.

I went out today despite the problems. I tried to enjoy the day down south but I was feeling sick I had no energy and I couldn’t eat again. I drew some quick pictures to get my mind focused on other things. By afternoon the Tramadol didn’t seem to be working and the pain was causing tears in my eyes. So I took a second. In about an hour I was in a bit less dicomfort. I ended up taking Serepax to stop the panic attack on the way home. The Gp has got me on Celebrex and something for my stomach. I hope this works.

Peace,

NW

Finally a reason for the physical pain!!!

Well today I went to my gp. I got my blood test results today. It Showed that I have Ross River Virus. Which means I got bitten by a mosquito which had ross river.

I think it it was around Christmas. It was a nice warm night when I was lying on the ground in the night and looking through my telescope. My friend said there was to many mozzies (mosquitoes) I stayed outside a bit longer and I think thats when I was bitten.

Everyone around me now is really worried I explained it’s not that bad it’ll only last a little while like a week to a month. I mean I have chronic suicidal thoughts, Depression for a few months now and anxiety and no one lifts an eyelid. But ross river woah now they wory and I’m more stressed and in pain. At least the tramadol is working a bit still and the serepax makes it much easier to relax and even sleep now and then.

So heres that thanks to the hospital for sending me home saying its all in my head. another one for the crisis mental worker that stood there and also said it was just stress.

Two docs did tests for polymyalgia then my gp did one for ross river as it has similar symptoms. It really hurts to type. Be back tommorow with update.

So if you get similar symptoms and live in Australia ask for a Ross river blood test.

Peace,

NW

The Contract Will Not Work – Summary

The contract is full of crap. Most of it has nothing to do with my life.

I’m definately not Signing it.

Peace,

NW

Crisis Centre Contract

I got the letter the other day and I’m still in a daze of what it said. I’ve been in to much pain to report but here it is.

The letter accused me of multiple substance abuse including a medication I have sensibly used for about 10 years. I have had recent drug screens at the hospital they should know I’m clean. That is they’re reasoning for my GAD, borderline personality disorder, agoraphobia, OCD, PTSD (from what ever they think)Schiztypal personality traits.

This one doesn’t even make sense. It said I wanted to kill a doctor for drugs!!!  It’s true I did feel like killing a doctor but one that abused me when I was a kid.

I feel I’m being treated by a blindfolded deaf doctor. Well thanks for the self esteem booster Crisis Centre.

I’m still in a lot of pain and just want them to be straight out and honest with me. It’s hard enough when the entire day is full of pain all over. I will have the results on Monday.

Peace,

NW

Is it really just fake pain all over my body?

I asked myself many times maybe i can control it. But I can’t It’s there all the time and it aches all over constantly. My friend keeps telling me it’s all in my head. It doesn’t help. I am hoping for the results of the test for polymyalgia and rosriver virus (carried by mosquitoes). Either way I’m desperate for a diagnosis so I can start treatment for it.

It’s lucky I have a GP who is really understanding. I’m trying to stay strong and it seems only my therapist and gp can see that. Friends are telling me I’m being weak and not fighting it hard enough. I don’t even know what I’m fighting. I do my best anyway they don’t need to tell me.

Peace,

NW