Friday 11th

So what got you in here?
Like some kind of monster’ what was it that got me in, I know now, people antagonizing me constantly, it drove me crazy. I was and am improving a lot, this morning was a rush to get the crazy crew Ivy’ Br’ Tri’ry, and me. I dressed for a cold day hat hoodie pants, R came to my door and asked if I wanted to see Iv I thought well she made it into the ward and for the company, and time and ciggerettes’ I felt I owed herr I bought her a pack of cigarettes and a couple of coke cans. She was happy as she only gets a very small amount of money and reeally needed some help. I alsoo needed someone to cross south road with me. as I wanted to go to a real shop talkk to a shop assistant that didnt know my problems shes a nice chinese girl, I chuckled when Ivy had her coke and offered the shop assistant a sip, she kindly refused. It was a long hot walk back to the ward as I had to pick up a coffee for Trish and a couple dollars for Br, he bought couuple packets of chips and was very happy. I went back in the ward and asked why I get those heart stickers on’ Nurse Mark looked it up and let me know. It was an abnormal first one, not sure bout the other one. See what it was exactly tomorrow, I willl write it down.
I keep thiinkking about how ian snuck up on me n scared me, I couldnt eat with him around’ when i saw the psychologist about it he wanted o help me with sleep, I told him about my lack of trust and why. whats worse is everryone here is starting to follow me around or wlk behind me,\par
I went out with Tom and Pete, couldn,t get a word in edge ways. So welcome home… weell it reeally was nice to see them and the animals and tom and of course Pete. I even gt to speak to steve on MSN he found my trumpet!!! thhat was great. Petee seemed edgey maybe it was because he was up all night. maybe Luke annoyed him a bit too much? Well I’m nearly better and I want to leave on Wednesday. Which is only 3 nighhts away (: . It would suck to get detained for a piss litttle instrument.\par
When I got back to the ward Mark said he was reliieved to see me, I was glad to be back!!! safer and I thoughht I couuld quickly gather my thhoughts as I walked in that big strange woman withh thhe shaved head poked me and said have fun? I replied yeh fine then i realised who it was’ what is it with thhem following me arouund and always trying to touch me. it was 6 and dinner was on the trolley, I sat down in the only place left and tried to eat. Ian was sitting next to me oncee I sat down he started to eat really slow I mean as slow as me he kept watching me out the cornerr of his eye, I felt so agitated. I’m trying to get and I thinkk Im doing ok. everyone says I look and sound better. Probably because I spend so much time in my room… allone. The nurses have been good to me. Especially someof the nighht staff. they are underrstanding about how I feel with O following me, walkking nearf me and around me when I am the only one left in the kitchen After appprox 20-30 times laughhing at me and making jokes with Ian, I had enough I hadd spooken with a nurse oblly minutes earlier. whhen he walks past he stops at my door looking in so I just get up and shut it, then he walks off I would like him to stop trying to mess withh me. As it got later things got worse he walkked righht up to me still dressed the same as he was when I got here. Last thing I need in herre is to be intimidqaated and rude things he says, I saaid “stop it now or Im gonna cop you a fucking hardd hit. e stopped his stupid laughh and sat down I went and sat down I followed him and stood righht behind him while he was on the lounge. I could see him getting agitated and I wass ready to use thisagreessioon with all my poower I wanted to deck he or kick him in the head. weell both really. I waited tilll he felt uneasy with me behind him. then I walked off he watched me and was not liiking the facct I didnt want anything to do with him and not be in the vicinity of him ever. If he laughhs again Im gonna fucken twist his head. I don’t believe he is sick, i thinkk most of it is laziness he just lets thhem look after him and he annoys and agitates all of us. Making the ward uncomfortable for people who are depressed and serioously upset. He went to thhe nurse and complained later. the nurse Anna heard me tell him I was gonna breeak him if he tried anymore. BS he’s so unwell’ if it is intellectual disabilityy whats he doiing in a psych ward. I thhen had Nurse K come and chat to me he said e had spoken to him and he will leave me alone. I Rememberr wanting to kill myself over the bullyiing and harrasment over my whole life. some guiys following and ever again I , so lucky to have Kevin as my Nurse as he is helpping me cope with everything (; the only nurse in here at night that really keeps an eye on things. helps everyone and puts out the fires. Well I’m gonna need to sleep soon. But anything tomorrrow happens I will trry not to but can’t garantee I wont fucking kick himin the knnee and when he is down just kick hiim in the head whiille I,m laughing at him’ o poor o everyone has had enough. He is fat and slow, I am fit and quick, funny how people misjudge me. Pysch wardds can be difficult at thhe best of times. He needs to be in minda’ ashford or another place where he has to learn or live in solitude like so many of us do. I got told that I had comprimised my stay and may be detained or such for thhe outburst. I will use all my stength not to do anythhing but I,m not taking anymoree from thhem. thhey startt to follow thhey will reeget it. \par
I miss man at home my friends my dogs. Even Fi n thhe kids I thhinkk about a lot.\par
Peace nightworrier