First Wednesday in the ward, Help for Anxiety

Wednesday – The fifth day (I feel like I am finally getting somewhere.) – Flinders Hospital Stargate Log.  I woke up and for the frst ay I think I can eat and am getting less agitated, I still strike out inappropriatly and people tell me I seem scary sometimes when I’m angry, I woke up wit ha night nurse begging me to calm down I didn’t know what he was talking about, I was standing in the wrong hallway and the big guy in the ward was sticking his finger up at me so I figured I must have done something… I wish I could remember but either way I knew I had to calm down or my 2 -3 weeks would turn into 5-6 and that  wouldn’t be voluntary (who knows what I would have done.  I stayed I was woken then after breakfast I had early by 2 nurses who gave me my meds after breakfast they wanted to do an ekg I thought she said ect!!! I freaked then she said it was for my heart test’ It took a while but I was fine about it. I spent the day in the ward and spent time talking to the
psychologist I learned a lot more about my anxiety and symptoms the useful help he gave was much in need and it seems like such a long time coming. Nearly 10 years approx. there were things i was doing that made
my anxiety worse. like holding my chest when
i feel my heart race it just reinforced my feeling and made it real, also i was lifting my
feet like my toes and heels when i was sitting that goes for standing aswell. it was also a
way of feeling like i could/should run, even though there was nothing to run from. I usually
wear sunglasses but last 2 days inside I have’nt worn them inside, I must admit I have stilll been carrying them around sort of a security thing.  But hiding behind them was another mistake, as i was hiding behind them in a way. It turns out all the dancing I did to get the adrenaline out was really
telling myself there was a reason for it. In future I willl train when I’m not anxious and for the reason that I love it instead. I also walk and sit staying small as I can so people won’t notice me.
I am now finally getting the idea and am wearing brighter clothes and trying to stand straighter. I was quite nervous afterwards because I could see some of the problems and being aware of them has got
me thinking alot more.

This Dr Holmes taught me alot and I believe he understands how to deal with anxiety, Please take what you can from what I have learned. I’m sure my dr would like to know he is helping many people in this world.

Peace, Nightworrier

Gotta go and think about it all in my room, it’s a lot to take in. But really important to think about! that means you too. Please try these tequniques. You have nothing to loose and you can lower any anti-depressant or Benzodiazapine use if you get some relief, YOU MUST  TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE CUTTING DOWN ON ANY MEDICATIONS.

 

Kicking Back with a Beer.

Yeah the beer isn’t a great idea but I’m not on earth to make great Ideas and fix everything I’m just here for a good time. If I can help someone on the way I will but life is really just a game- a show for everyone. To enjoy and feel entertained. So I’ll make the most of it while I consider myself a capable irresponsible umm adult.

I’m relaxing today got some mates droppin in to cheer me up. They’re all pretty ADHD. But I don’t think they understand how depressed I am. I’ll keep being happy because of they’re precance. But I really want toparticipate. The TN leaves me to fatigued to do anything. They wanna play laser skirmish in the backyard.

They also got some gun powder so we can make some experiments. 😉

but with all these people come all this panic so I took some Clonaz for my face. And yes It works A1 for the TN attacks. It’s a really good TN drug. Then I took some Valium to top off the anxiety I’m close to feelin like bein a trouper in the backyard hey I’ll have a big gun. Least I’ll feel bit more powerful. Gotta fight right. If only for fun.

Peace forever,

NW

Sorry F*** the contract tonight!!!

Warmer weather and less breezes

I feel happier now it’s waming up. well I don’t know if it’s true happy but at least I can go outside n play on the peewee bike, I’ve just recovered from an ankle injury which had me on crouches again for a couple of weeks. My mate next door cheers me up he’s cool he’s gonna make a dayum good bboy one day. His very inspirational too. he will find a way of making fireworks or at least fire out of something in the house.

As for my pain ‘management’ Ever since I saw the hospital specialist I’ve been in more pain then ever. Luckily about a month ago I started taking a mushroom supplement called’Ganaderma’ and it seems to have relaxed my quite alot I don’t really know if it’s reducing attacks yet.

My doc has sent me to a new doctor who handles chronic pain so this time I should be out of the woods and living a near ppain free life. I focus on the day I will wake up and feel free from attacks or at least have fewer attacks. That way my mind is focused on the best and ONLY outcome.

The depression well it comes and goes. I think if happy is 10 and sad is 5 Im about 3 most of the time. mainly due to the pain getting in the way of everything I love and enjoy. So even when I am happy (6) I don’t have much motivation to get the paints out or clean the dance floor.

My only real help these days medically is tylonol3s (panadeine 30) valium and stillnox. The T3’s are ok but no where near the realief I had from Oxycontin (long lasting painkiller). The valium helps my face alot and reduces most anxiety.  And of course because I only sleep 3-4 hours a night Stillnox is the go works every time. Even half a tablet works. The doc said it was better because it’s not addictive like Temazepam (but costs 2 dollars a tablet!!! jeeeesh). Well I’m very happy with the stillnox it doesnt leave me with a hangover and lets me drift to sleep as soon as I lie down. I don’t even remember nightmares.

I’ve been trying to paint again lately (stuggling) I think I have the guts to post my pics now so next blog will be some of my works.

Peace,

Nightworrier

Good morning. Even If I Have to Make it.

Well I got up early today to smell the gum trees and look for letters in a letterbox I know has nothing in it yet but just looking normal to the neighbours to some degree makes me feel not so bad. In winter I get the fallen branches and even tho it looks cheap it’s life and They’re good pieces of firewood. I like fires. I really do. In many forms.

I going to Dads today. so I’m making extra sure I’m ready for worst case ( panic attack or Trigeminal attack) both I get very uneasy and don’t like when people see me in pain. they usually want to do something but as so many doctors, mental health workers, people i know have told me to relax and it will go. bottom line is it happens when it happens and I’m doing my very best to steer my mental illness and pain away from other people. Otherwise I’ll get all anxious that I’m making them anxious. Plus they’ll continue to push me in to situations I don’t want to be in.

I hope the pain clinic comes up with something better then a knife or a new unknown drugs with unknown side effects

Life so complex. Yet when Im in pain I can only think of one thing.

Peace,

NW