Wednesday my first week.

Wednesday I stayed I was woken then after breakfast I had early by 2 nurses who gave me my meds after
breeakfast they wanted to do an ekg I thought she said ect!!! I freaked then she said itwas for a heart
test’ It took a while but I was fine about it. I spent the day in the ward and spent time talking to the
psychologist I learned a lot more about my anxiety and symptoms the useful help he gave was much in need
and it seems like such a long time coming. Nearly 10 years approx. there were things i was doing that made
my anxiety worse. like holding my chest when
i feel my heart race it just reinforced my feeling and made it real, also i was lifting my
feet like my toes and heels when i was sitting that goes for standing aswell. it was also a
way of feeling like i could/should run, even thoughh thhere was nothing to run from. I usually
wear sunglasses but last 2 days inside I have’nt worn them inside, I must admit I have stilll been
carrying them around sort of a security thing. But hiding behind them was another mistake, as i was
hiding behind them in a way. It turns out all the dancing I did to get the adrenaline out was really
telling myself there was a reason for it. In future I willl train when I’m not anxious and for the
reason that I love it instead. I also walk and sit staying small as I can so people won’t notice me.
I am now finally getting the idea and am wearing brighter clothes and trying to stand straighter. I
was quite nervous afterwards because I could see some of the problems and being aware of them has got
me thinking alot more.\f1\par