Well its 5:45 in the morning Once again I went to hospital yesterday. This is how it goes. I was too suicidal to give pain or anxiety medication to. So I said as they discharged me so am I gonna have withdrawals? The nurse looked at me and was sad to say yes. I walked out to be picked up still with pain all over.
They say don’t worry it’s just stress. How can I be happy about that. It really hurts to be in the middle of earth and the heavens. Why won’t any doctors hear me. I’m in so much pain right now and theres nothing I can do. I’ve had the last of my contraband analgesics. So If I live to see the next six days. Im goin to my doc to get some real help.
I cut myself again. I was so angry and in physical pain. I cut the back of my leg. It helped momentarily. I just want to do it all over just to cope for now. I know I shouldn’t be doing it. I think I’m pretty depressed. No …… I’m sure I am.
I’ve been doing what my therapist said. Mindfulness and relaxation excercises are a gold things to learn. It’s Just when things start to become to much I have trouble slowing down. So much I cant put anyone through anymore of it. They don’t know how to help and neither do I.
Funny or not so funny thing is I’m making plans of escape. People are also funny. They want you to live. (But they don’t quite know why) Thats what I asked a mental health nurse.
Owwwwww everyhing hurts. This is real s***.
Everyone is demanding to know my secrets. I love these people but hey leave me alone or help – don’t push.
I have had it. It’s my life. Or not.
Peace,
NW
btw fellow bloggers have helped my situation. Somewhat more then crisis call numbers.
Good Luck for 2008
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