Painting (Distraction therapy)

Today was good. Nice weather happy people.

The last few days I’ve been working on an oil painting. At the moment it looks quite disturbing but soon I hope to turn it into a thing of beauty. I have to concentrate, (Hyper focus) on anything. I’m jumping from one thing to another every 10 minutes to 10 second. Thats probably why the paintings not finished.
Good thing is the latest person to come into my life needs help with something I specialize in. I think I could get to enjoy teaching what I have learned.

Another friend dropped in today which really lifted my mood to see he was doing well. I’m feeling stronger in myself for having now someone to help. But feel like falling apart at any time.

On top of it all the attack starts happening around dinner so I take some new medication I read about on the net that might reduce pain. Well all I feel is a bit sick n like shite. Probably the cocktail I had because of the awful panic attack that happened earlier I just chucked a few diazepams down. With the oxycontin as well it may be interacting but err who gives a f**k any way. I’ll do anything for a sleep without paranoia and nightmares.

I know Coping strategies but I can never seem to put them in place. I don’t know why the hospital left me this way. I can’t make any decisions for myself or anything. I’m feeling numb, careless, sad. But like the mental health team said “Well If your gonna kill yourself why haven’t you done it yet?”I believe they were quite uneducated and did not think about what they were saying.
I’ll just keep myself distracted and face my problems some other time.

Peace,

NW