Another ordinary day… In Hospital

I went to the doctors as I wasn’t feeling too well I had been feeling like this a few days but now it was at the point I couldn’t stop shaking and sweating. I was doubled over in pain. I had waited and waited to get over what ever was the problem usually I say well If I’m sick today I’ll be recovering tomorrow. At the doctors I quickly found out I was just getting sicker and needed to go to hospital. When I arrived in the waiting room of pain I looked at all the solemn faces and bored expressions. I thought to myself If I could look that comfortable I’d be at home but I guess everyone had something wrong weather they swallowed a battery or punched through a window (It was a friday) So I sat there shivering sweating and pale trying to look tough. The waiting room is quite confronting. You don’t want people to think your weak. So I held a steady emotionless look. My partner asked for a nurse for me as I was getting sicker by the second. When they got a bed for me I got on lied down and screamed. I guess I felt like I could now no one was watching. A nurse saw me and asked a few questions took my obs. She then gave me some morphine for the pain. She remarked thats the first time I’ve seen you smile tonight. I thought I’d be smiling in everyday life If I was always pain free.  I sat on my bed chatting on instant messaging on my phone to my friends (perfect distraction) while I felt a nauseous spin of the morphine. My friends sent me good messages for the night and the doctors let me rest giving me injection intervals  of antibiotics and morphine. Through the night the pain stabbed. I got a nurse about 3 am for more pain relief. By morning I was still in pain and scared the surgeons would soon be in my curtain room wielding scalples and notes* (WARNING *notes are powerful things that can lead to surgery). I got some scans done and tests. They said they wouldn’t have a clear result for 2 days but as for now I need to take my antibiotics and hope I’m totally better in a week.

The surgeons spoke to me in the morning and we’re not sure weather to take out my appendix or not. I usually think if it’s a maybe – don’t cut) The second surgeon left me with antibiotics and painkillers. He said If it’s still painful in three days to see my doc. Yeh ok I will go back but I don’t know about going back to the butchers hospital. I mean these surgeons looked competant and all but It’s surgery is something I’m terrified of. It’s gonna take nerves of steel to go back.

I will update on how it goes but for now I need rest. I’m still aching a bit.

Peace,

NW

What will the day bring?

 Considering I woke up pretty early with my partner still in bed I can enjoy some of the peacefulness and enjoy looking at the unmoved things from the night before and the silence. Hmm the silence what can I say? Astounding all I hear is the cpu fan running. Ah  no I speak to soon he’s getting up and soon Yep he’s just walked past. That means the techno will be cranking ( I really only have a problem with techno but in the morning It’s so fast and makes my brain and heart race ( somtimes just complete panic. I don’t think humans were meant to listen to that kinda beat upon waking. and the sound of breakfast and food preparation will  take over. I might go for a walk later n try n chill out. Gotta loose some weight (feeling last nights pizza.)

Yesterday my mate came over. Real good mate. It’s like they feel they have to give me intervention for everything! Stress, Getting over my problems, long term goals how to not have Trigeminal Neuralgia. Yeh ya heard me they reckon I should just not complain about it ever! cos it’s just an ailment and I don’t have the right to be in pain. I’m apparently suppose to be in a higher realm where people don’t feel pain. WTF this isn’t Scientology. Even if it was I’m pretty sure the pain would still be there.

Well all that said I love my friends but hey just let me do things my way. If ya aint gonna support or understand don’t kick me when I’m down. I’ll kick myself . Trust me.

I’l find somthing to do today treatment wise. maybe just a walk around the block.  Or do some shopping. might even boil down to just can I do anything I’m pretty nervy today.

Here we go the dog and the man are running around the house yelling and barking (Yes for fun). Is it just me or does that sound primitive.

The only reason he spends more time with the dog is because he speaks dog and chooses not to speak to me. During the day there will be more then half the time he says something he’s actually talking to the dog.  Yes it does make me feel less of a human.  Maybe I’ll do a painting or continue my sketches down at the creek. Yeh thats sounds like a plan. Sounds quiet too, Which I think will be todays theme. As it should sooth the nightmares and bring me back to some kind of reality. I’ll also get straight onto the medication cos the TN is grabbing and making me pretty irritable not to mention excruciatingly sore.

I need to try some self -help stuff. No not my usual methods. Something different. Wish me luck

Peace,

NW