4th Day moved to ward Random Ward Notes.

Well its the fourth of march after two nights in ed I’m now in the ward after last weeks depression I finally bit the bullet and got admitted, I hope I return home in a better state of mind. I. really need to help my partner more, I feel so guilty for not doing chores around the home. I really do want to get better so I can go out and have dinner with him, walks in the park with or without the dogs. I have been violent. I have been so lazy and unmotivated I will make up for it big time I think he deserves so much more love and my full attention. this is my first night in here for five years and I’m really nervous and anxious. ocd and anxiety feel worse but I feel safer like a huge burden has been lifted. At least now I am safe from thoughts and have some observations, Which I find helpful as I am thinking I am dying sometimes with the Panic attacks, i think I made the right choice to agree to my doctors to come in, the waiting time in Extended care was a hell of a time but no where near as bad as what was happening in my head at home. I was so confused, Depressed, Anxious and worse of all I was skipping time… If that makes sense!!! totally out of wack I guess. Maybe they can help me a bit with my insomnia as well, big ask I know.
As much as people in here are scaring me and putting me on my toes I am at least learning to deal with it better. I am scared to sleep but if they let me have a light on I’ll be ok. So far the place has not hurt me. As much as my partner is scared of it I have always come out somewhat better.
Peace,
NW