A Mental Mind Fuck (A story about a guy named John)

I don’t know how long it’s been since I have felt normal (my normal). Feels like way too long. Trying to break free of the evil curse that is most of my life. How would one go around this extensive problem, Write a list of pros and cons, Go see a specialist!!!, Make new friends, Learn how to walk a tight rope (no seriously), Try and piece it all back together or go the easy way out.
I wanna try. I think I want to live, Just I might let down a few people… But is that anyway to live. Example, A a man walks by and says to a depressed man on his patio “Hi John how’s your day?” John says “Well just splendid” “This morning I got up hated myself a little more and am staying alive for the sake of a few people” “That’s nice *faces away back on his journey* – I’m going for a jog see ya! (but in reality they don’t really ever want to see you again.) So how does John feel now? Better or worse? What if this happens everyday. Do you think John would get lonely even more depressed then he even thought he could be. I think so. I think John and I have a lot in common.
I am trying and have been trying to fit in to this … society since as far back as I can remember. Just about everything I did or tried was ridiculed by others. I kept my head up and moved on. I’m really sick of doing this. Thank you to the ones that believed in me and still do. You are gold people you shine in the dark.
Tomorrow is another day. And just maybe a new friend will appear or maybe I will have to invent some.
I have still a handful of people who live around this planet I will love forever as friends. If I have to say goodbye to my current ones so I don’t get hurt anymore. So be it. It still hurts though.
Peace out,
NW