Help! Is what I said.

I admit it I really need help and don’t want to end my life. I just can’t seem to find the right help. Last night (very late) I called up my brothers mobile. Yep thats right sleep talking. I need to be locked in my room at night for the safety of those around me and myself. This morning after a horrid night of unbearable visions and nighmares and the third day of waking up totally suicidal. So I call my local crisis number the lady on the phone helped a bit by telling me how to distract from the feeling. I don’t know what I want. I want help because I’ve seen another side but I feel I’ll never live there. I called a closer crisis centre and explained how I felt and how running out of meds wasnt helping either. They immediatly jumped on the “she just wants drugs train” and basically said sorry we don supply them goodbye. I was saying. I know that but it’s a contributor to how I feel. eg BENZO withdawal. beep beep beep. Ahhh thats better I feel a whole lot better. I was judged and hung up on. My symptoms of depression and anxiety are skyrocketing this week and that was the most unhelpful advice I’ve ever had. I called back the oiginal crisis number and she calmed me down alot. Enough for me to come on here and type this.

So it just shows how much help you get out of a crisis line is how well the other person will talk with you.

Peace,

NW