Night worries…

Been so sleepless lately I’m starting to feel crazy. Today I just tried to relax and recover from my birthday but youd think 2 days of drinking would’ve given me a nice slumber. Oh well I’ll try again tonight maybe just a tiny bit of alcohol and a lot of milk maybe a valium.  I don’t recommend the alcohol/benzo thing thats why I said just a tiny amount of alcohol (btw big thing is alcohol doesn’t help TN at all). I think what I’m writing ok at the moment lack of sleep has had me feeling weird and doin weird things. eg. Just threw wood in the fire but saw a heap of ants on it so I reached in and pulled the wood out. Little guys are lucky. So are my arms. I’ve been well behaved lately but its taken a lot of control. I’ll keep it up no probs (haha). I got a job to do. Just to let ya know Im off all antipsychotics and antidepressants.  Am  totally losing it but pushing on.

Peace,

NW

TN

Man I hate this face pain. It’s utterly painful and makes me so anxious. I wish it would go. It seems all the drugs in the world wont cure it. I saw a doctor yesterday who was actually nice and helpful Canadian chap. He knew what I was going through. He organised my medication quickly. Unlike the morning when they only gave me Lyrica. I mean Lyrica is great it works a bit but only a bit.

I started Avanza yes an anti-depressant my arch enemy. I said to my nice doc I was very depressed  he was understanding and said it would have less side effects. So we’ll see how it goes.

Peace, I’ll have more to say,

NW

Dodgey Hospital Story

This following story is over six months old but I wanted your thoughts.

It was my second psych admission (in this particular ward the psych had made a rule that no one would self harm) pretty hard thing to do when ya in there for dark depression in the first place.  On my first day I met a nice girl from the country she was in there for slightly different reasons to me. She had serious emotional problems from past events.

On this first day of meeting her we went out for a smoke. I noticed a cut on her arm and asked did ya do it? She turned her arm over and it was really messed up. I asked her if the nurses had seen it. she tried to pull her sleeve down over it but it was obvious. We walked back to the ward and the psychiatrist saw it and she said she wanted to go home. So the Psych just let her go.

Given she was young and in a very depressed state was this right of the hospital psychiatrist to send her home for breaking the rules. I and other were pretty worried about her.

Thanks for listening.

Peace,

NW

Purple Sky

I like it.

Peace,

NW

The Storm that Didn’t Happen

There was supposed to be a storm the other night they said lightning , thunder, strong winds and rain. We only got the latter. I was ready to do some lightning photos and chill in the negative ions. Oh well another day soon. I’ll be ready.

Peace,

NW

It’s all Good

So lately I’ve been goin nuts with the paints. It is working as diversion therapy as well as getting me to actually get motivation. Will post something up soon. Just building courage.

The OCD is really annoying but I’m handling it ok. If it gets too bad I’ll tell the doc. Its a pity I don’t have a psychologist anymore and my doc has left the local practice. I probably scared em away from theyre jobs (jk)

My face still hurts to the max. Slightly eased with strong painkiller. I don’t know if the Lyrica is working yet. Still waiting.

Peace,

NW

New Paintings

I’ve been painting a lot lately in watercolour. It’s really interesting I’m learning something new everyday. I’ve done alot latley maybe I’ll put up a little preview later. It does its own thing and it mixes and does pretty things.

I think this is the medium Im using as my addiction. Its great.

Peace,

NW

Good Morning

Today I woke up early. to see my mate he’s really down to earth and really understands me. We get along really well I think because were going though the same sort of thing. Im now gonna sit on the porch and drink the green tea he gave me.

Yesterday his wife picked me up and I went over theyre place for lunch. It’s so good to feel accepted.

BTW my music is on I cut me hair and things are looking brighter.

Peace,

NW

Not allowed

Not allowed to go out drinking

Not allowed to play my music loud.

Not allowed to drink more then 1 standard drink per leap year.

Not allowed to cut my hair shorter

I hate not allowed. I think I’ll shave my head tonight n go out drinking, then request a song to be played loud
.

Peace,

NW

New Crisis Centre

So I called up a new crisis centre number because I’ve had the black cloud for a number of days now. They didn’t make me feel bad. They talked me through a few things. Without being rude to me or judging me. I feel better then before. Thats something my old crisis line didn’t know how to do most of the time.

I’m going to have an easy night tonight just kick back with a beer n ignore any thoughts.

They made me feel a bit safer. I don’t know how just they reassured me and sometimes I really need that. Other wise im a shaking scared mess all day long.

Sorry not much to say but sometimes when you think theres no help. Have another look and see if you can find another person to talk to.

Peace,

NW